Joys and Lessons of Fatherhood (thought I had a few months back)

The Lord taught me a lesson today. For those of you who don’t know my son (Jude) has been sick the past few days (double ear infections). Lets just say he has been well…unpleasant. There is one positive thing that came out of this ordeal it seems, that is, that he developed this “out of left field” need for comfort. I love just putting on a worship song and letting Jude fall asleep in my arms. There is a bonding that forms when you stare into your child’s eyes and a spiritual reciprocity is created in both of your hearts; its like a feeling that you are giving care, love, protection, and hope and you are receiving this small tender heart that is so raw and dangerous. It is so valuable in fact, that Christ died for this hearts opportunity to prosper. When you put it like that it seems few (if any) are truly qualified to be fathers. So fast forward to tonight. I was sitting there with Jude and I wanted to be intimate with my little man. I figured Jude and I would put on a fire, a little worship music, and listen to the heart of God. This all seemed like a great plan until I found out that Jude had a different one. I laid Jude down in my arms and about the time my heart strings were playing to the sound of instrumental worship music he was barrel rolling on top of me. All of the parents reading this know exactly what I am talking about! He whipped his little body so quick around me that he slapped me in the face and took out several items on the coffee table in the process. This conquest was of course of great importance; Jude was attempting to get the T.V. remote (I mean who can pass up all those colorful buttons). I tried with all my might to “force” him to focus. I laid him back on me, called his name, and even tried to use those objects he was reaching for to guide him back to me. This was to no avail. Jude was set on playing with his toys and I quickly realized that no matter how hard I tried to “make” him have some daddy time that if he was not willing that it was not happening. So, I put Jude down and he went on playing and shouting and crying and whatever else he felt like at the moment. My first thought was “oh well that could have been fun I guess that little shindig was not the Lord”. Then this light bulb went off in my head. I saw that so many times God has laid me down by his side and wanted to gaze in my eyes. Why, because I am his son. He longs for me to receive his comfort and me to give him my heart. The same reciprocity that I desired for Jude and I he desires in a greater way for He and I. I found that in the past I have been so fixated on “objects” that what I really needed (which was right in front of me) might as well have been a thousand miles away. So after I put Jude down with his toys he began playing and my dreams of a quiet time with my son were tarnished I didn’t love him any less. I did not build up resentment in my heart for the wrong he committed against me. I just simply said “there will be a next time”. How bad of a father would I have been if I did! Yet this is the way many of us feel toward the greatest and most loving Father of all. Maybe not openly but deep in our hearts we believe this. God is a father and that means a lot of different things but most notably love. He looks at us playing with our trivial objects and he is patiently waiting for the next time to woo us into his arms. Coming from a father, there is no better place to be. ūüôā

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